I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
