69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
