In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
