i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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