I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
