In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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