it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
