i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
