Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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