I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
