He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
