dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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