Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize