So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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