you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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