His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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