you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
