so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
