I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
