that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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