No stitches, just platelets and will power
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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