Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
