There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
