is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
