i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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