Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
