i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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