I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
