Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
