Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
