Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
