there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i barfeds in our rink
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
