I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
