You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
