she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
