This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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