Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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