ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
