It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
