is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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