He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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