I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
