His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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