Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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