I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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