I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
