Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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