My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He shit in the fireplace
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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