Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
