he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
