my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
