Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
