i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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