So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
