Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Couch. On fire.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
