I'm going to jail i love you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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