You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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