i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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