Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
