its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
