I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
