I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
