My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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