I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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