Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
