Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
