Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
should my penis look like a turkey
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
