I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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