Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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