your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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