Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
