So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
smell my finger.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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