your thong is hanging out like whoa
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
