Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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