She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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