Do you still have your period?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
