His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
