I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
