She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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