I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
